Sunday, July 25, 2010

Death wish.....

The general sense of understanding that I get when I speak to people about life is that it's 'precious', 'beautiful', 'a gift', 'divine', and all that positive crap. Everyone of these people would also be the first to admit that there's a healthy abundance of misery, pain, hopelessness, and abject sorrow in this world. But conveniently the first category of description reigns supreme and is apparently the one that's relevant. Whenever I speak to people about my disorder (I have Bipolar Type II) and the days I really used to struggle with it, they always look me up and down with that wretchedly disgusting expression of self-pity, fake understanding and express how 'lucky' I am to have survived it. Oh really? That's an interesting word right there; lucky.

In this particular context that word indicates an abstraction which is a juxtaposition of one component of randomness, coincidence, and serendipity and another component suggesting that the set of circumstances that led me to that particular horrible point of time of the conversation were somehow salvantional in nature. The simple fact that life somehow superceded death in one's existence seems justification enough to rejoice and proclaim it as the better alternative. What is this delusion about life that our society seems to possess? I'd like to think that at a certain time in History there were a set of individuals that looked at life and death as natural occurrences and took both in objective stride. When did we change? When did we become a set of simpering wimpy individuals that look at death as mysterious, sad, and even sometimes evil phenomenon? Why is there so much stigma surrounding any decision that shows even the slightest inclination towards the intentional bringing about of death in one's existence? Why do we percieve and try to act out an obligation from whoever-the-hell to struggle against overwhelming odds simply to survive and live?

I'm not saying that that we should all jump ship at the first sign of trouble but as a thinking and (hopefully) rational individual I simply am astounded by why an educated and thoughtful decision to die is almost never considered to be legitimate and perspicacious. Why is a decision to live considered compos mentis and propitous by default whereas a decision to die is almost always associated with pusillanimity and temporary temerity? The first aspect of the latter is something that has always highly vexed me. Why the hell do people associate wanting to die, with cowardice? Does it make any sort of sense whatsoever? I do not believe so. They say that the people who take steps to end their lives do so unable to cope with their lives and this is somehow suggestive of cowardice. I cannot think of anything more foolish. I'd like to flip this on it's head and say that people who try to claw and scratch their way out of even the most desperate situations using any and all means possible are the cowards because they're afraid of death and the unknown.

Read that sentence again. Do you see how odd it sounds? Do you realize how at odds it is with everything we've known and have been taught in our lives? To persevere against supposed impossibility and to triumph is the bedrock of human nature, right? Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. I know that what i said isn't true. So when we're so sure that the decision to try and survive is so rational and self-affirming, shouldn't we dignify the decision to die just the same? The laws and regulations in most countries regarding self-inflicted death seem archaic when we really start to open our minds and pursue this line of thought. Not only is it frowned upon in India but it is also illegal to attempt to commit suicide. You can actually be arrested and charged if you're caught and you survive. Have you heard of anything more ridiculous? Is that empowering? How is that affirming your liberty as a rational and thinking individual? Isn't that moral, ethical, and ideological policing at work? They say that the law exists to protect the interests of the society keeping in mind it's constant progression. How beneficial is it to society to try and prevent individuals who want to die from doing so and trying to rehabilitate them?

I think the underlying problem can be found in the way that we've tainted death. We've collectively made Death seem like this impending hell that is intrinsically somehow evil if pursued before one's natural time. Look at the number of positively senile, incapacitated and utterly decrepit individuals that we put on respirators and other life support machines in a futile attempt to prolong their life by a few days or weeks. Why is it so hard to come to terms with death for us? I don't understand. Maybe i'm simply an oddity stuck in an alternate reality but I have never had a problem accepting death. It is absolutely natural for me and maybe that is the reason why it seems logical to me to want to choose death in lieu of life.

There's no end to this argument and i can speak for hours about this but i guess what i'm trying to say is that, in a situation where the individual is mentally and physically healthy, an educated and thought out decision to die should be respected and allowed without too much much objection. And also, life is not always the automatically better alternative. Sometimes, for some people, life is that intolerable that a change, any change, even death, seems a better alternative and it is our responsibility as thinking beings to support such a decision and facilitate it, if possible. I don't know, just a thought. Don't hate me for having an opinion and i won't hate you for expressing yours.